I’ve been working with a high-profile client for the past two years, and during a recent workout, something interesting happened. He missed a shot, mumbled something under his breath, and smiled when I asked him about it.
He explained that he recently started seeing a sports psychologist to help improve his performance. One of their conversations focused on what he says when he misses a shot. His honest answer? “F***"
The psychologist didn’t tell him to stop saying something altogether—instead, she suggested he replace it with something neutral, something less negative. They came up with the word “friction.”
It doesn’t have a deeper meaning, but it serves a purpose:
• It keeps his routine intact (saying something after a miss).
• It removes the negativity from his self-talk.
The fact that he smiled while telling me this story was powerful—it showed that even this small change was already making a difference.
This interaction made me think about how much our self-talk—whether out loud or in our heads—impacts us. For players and coaches alike:
1️⃣ Acknowledge the Negative Moments: Mistakes happen, and frustration is normal, but what we say in response matters.
2️⃣ Replace Negativity: Like my client, find a neutral word or phrase that lets you reset without dwelling on the negative.
3️⃣ Focus on the Next Play: Basketball is a fast game; the ability to move on quickly is key to staying in the moment.
Whether you’re a coach shaping a team’s mindset or a player working on your game, take a moment to think: What are you saying to yourself after a setback?
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