Have you ever heard the term “Toxic Charity”? At first glance, the words seem contradictory. Charity—helping someone—is inherently good, right? But here’s the problem: when we help too much or too often, we risk unintentionally creating a state of dependency.
Here’s how it works, broken down into a 5-step process:
1. I do something nice for you, and you appreciate it.
2. I do it a second time, and you anticipate it happening again.
3. I do it a third time, and you begin to expect it.
4. I do it a fourth time, and you feel entitled to it.
5. I do it a fifth time, and now you’ve become completely dependent on me for it.
The intention behind charity—or helping—is to empower someone to become independent. But the more we help, the more we risk unintentionally creating dependence.
Toxic Charity on the Basketball Court
As coaches, we’re passionate about helping our players grow. We break down the game, identify problems, and provide solutions. That’s our job. But if we’re not careful, we can create players who are entirely dependent on us to solve every issue.
Have you ever noticed a player looking to you during a game for every solution? Or waiting for you to call out directions instead just making a play? That’s dependency.
How Do We Avoid It?
To create independent players, not robots, we need to adjust how we coach:
• Teach, then step back: Provide the tools and knowledge, but let players apply them on their own.
• Allow for struggle: Let players make mistakes and figure out solutions during practice or games.
• Ask questions, don’t give answers: Instead of solving problems for them, ask, “What did you see there?” or “What could you have done differently?”
• Celebrate independence: Highlight moments when players solve problems on their own.
The goal is to build players who don’t rely on you to identify every problem or dictate every solution. They’ll make better decisions and grow into leaders, both on and off the court.
The Takeaway: Help your players, but don’t help so much that you hold them back.
By being intentional about how we coach, we can create players who are confident, self-reliant, and capable of thriving in any situation.
— Reid Ouse
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